thoughts of July 7th and starting the clinic

i can't sleep

i can't be slowed

i haven't been quiet
in quite a long time

changes are afoot
spinning me quicker faster deeper
into myself

the attachment between
my head and the rest of my body
is killing me

doubt flares
the past shows up on my door
with flowers and wine
forgetting to acknowledge
that I got back on the wagon
clung to it for dear life

i'm moving
i'm becoming my own impossible dream
i'm gripped in fear and doubt and humility and honor and gratitude

it's time to pray
and pray hard

it's time to let go
of everything
I have faith in
and jump
or fall

it looks the same
from the ground floor
anyway

i am illuminating faith
i am solid underneath the soil
of compost
i just tend to forget sometimes
you know how kids are